“Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings”

This weekend is this year’s father’s day weekend. And I decided to post something about my tatay. I was chatting with Joyce last night and we were in a middle of a long conversation and then she said something that stucked me. She said that I have not mentioned my father in my blogs, she had not seen his pictures whenever i post pics in my web accounts and she have not heard me tell a story about him. Then it suddenly occurred to me that indeed, I have not talked about my father that often. This post would be dedicated to him.

My tatay is the most generous and kind hearted man that I know. He knows pakikisama to the highest level that none of us his children could live up to. Sometimes, he is too nice that he always ends up in the losing end. Whether it be in a simple game of pusoy or in business matters where usually kindness means lots of money going down the drain. He is also one of the smartest guys I know. He memorize all the streets of Metro Manila, could give you a recount of the current events in an instant and he knows a lot of stuffs about life in general. My relatives would always claim that it is through him that we inherited that trait (they said that, not me). He may not have a college degree having stopped schooling after graduating in high school, nothing compared to the fathers of my friends or officemates who are mostly professionals. But he knows a lot. I am always amazed at how he can so fluently hold on to intelligent discussions.

But like everyone else, tatay has one flaw that we had to deal with ever since I was a child. He is an alcoholic. He drinks alcohol almost every night, sacrificing sleep and rest through liquors and his drinking buddies. It had always been like that. When we were young, we moved a lot. We had transferred from one house to another for like 5 times. We switched from one apartment to another, a relative’s house to the next and from Pasig to Mandaluyong to Batangas to Taytay. But one thing is consistent through all this move that we had to make. In every destination, my tatay would find his group of barkadas whom he would spend all night drinking and gambling (tong-its). Don’t take me wrong, he is not like the other alcoholics that you get to see on TV and read in the news. He never beats us, he never gets angry at us in his drunken hours. He just sleeps. The only thing that was hard to cope up with is that we always have to go get him to stop in the middle of the night for several times saying “tatay uwi na. gabi na. tutulog na tayo at maaga pa ang pasok namin bukas”.  Then repeat after 30 minutes until he gets tired of our whining and give in and go home. That is one painful picture that I know i will never forget because being the eldest in our family, I get to do that always and it was not a pleasant experience. Imagine facing your father in front of all his shirtless, gambling and bum barkadas who are all drunk and in the middle of their tong-its spree. The alcohol will linger in his system but it will not affect his how he acts around us. He will just sleep. In the morning, he will wake up fresh and in a good mood most of the time as if nothing happened. He will take us to school with David Gates playing in his stereo. This was the time when my mother is still working abroad and it was just us and tatay.

I always used to wonder why my parents are different from my friend’s and schoolmate’s parents. I studied in a private school so most of the students are well-off. For one thing, my mom was working abroad as a house helper taking care of other person’s children while we were left to live on our own. For another, my father was always being chased by loan sharks whom he had borrowed money from years ago and are demanding payback which he couldn’t give. Worse, when my dad couldn’t be found (he’s gambling or drinking somewhere), the loan sharks would chase me and it oftentimes made me cry having to deal with them and not knowing what to do. In high school, my parents were never around to help us with homework. I used to do that from my little brothers instead. And they never seem to care about how we are doing in our acads, they just always assume that we are doing great. While other parents work for an 8-5 job in a posh place in Makati or Ortigas, my father was plying along the route of Pasig and Quiapo, looking for passengers and cursing the government whenever the oil price hikes again. I had always imagined that it would be nice to have parents who can take out some used bond papers from the office which could be used for scratch papers in algebra, or who could accompany you to the mall and buy you everything that you want with just a swipe of a credit card. I longed to be able to go to company family day events where the other children gets to go to different resorts and sometimes, different countries. Those things were just unheard of in our family.

Now, let’s fast forward. I came here in Singapore a year ago and lived in an apartment with former collegues. They are the rich and conio kind, the type that has maids and drivers to do everything for them. When I lived with them and got away from my family, my eyes opened to reality. Life is not all about money, expensive clothes, big houses and maids who are at your beck and call. The real thing that matters couldn’t be measured with all the material things that you have. What matters is how you parents brought you up to be a good person – one who doesn’t have to think about him/herself all the time, who knows how to be considerate to other people and who knows how to stop bragging about every little detail in your life. And that is exactly what my tatay showed me and what I have learned from my parents.

Sure enough, they don’t talk like educated mature people that you could bring in the office and introduce to your American boss and charm them with their wit. They don’t wear nice clothes that looked like they came straight out of a magazine. I took my mom on a tour last month and she was almost teary eyed with joy, she said she couldn’t imagine that she would be able to take trips like that and sleep in a 5 star hotel.  My dad will go with her next time, and I’ll make sure that it would be a wonderful experience for him as well. My parents are far from perfect. Their english might be funny and they may say inappropriate things most of the time. But, you know what? I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else. Whatever I am today – I owe it to my parents, in their own unconventional way they molded me to be who I am.

Happy father’s day, tatay. I hope you know how much I admire you.